Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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