my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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