then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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