they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
