Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
