Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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