i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
did i just pee glitter
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
