i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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