ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
