Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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