wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
