Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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