At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Damn victory sex feels great
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
