nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
