I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize