If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
