i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
