I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
