and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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