So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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