this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
