I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
