I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
