he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Mom said you looked used
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
