i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize