I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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