my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
one might say we're banned from that church
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Can you bring me the toilet please
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
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