i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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