why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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