You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
