If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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