in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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