I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
