I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
