He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
