Will you blow on my dice?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
