Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
