he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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