i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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