You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
