I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
