When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
