he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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