Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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