I met the friendliest cop last night
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
