no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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