Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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