FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize