I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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