the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
