He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
