it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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