i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
