do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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