You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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