You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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