so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize