dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize