he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
