Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
