Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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