I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
