I'm jealous of your bromance
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
