this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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