I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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