We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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