): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
