Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
