peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
