whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
