guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
