My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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