when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
