I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
