Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
