chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
